England: One new mother’s husband is scared of making love to his wife because of her
‘messy’ birth – what should she do?
My baby has just turned three months old and my husband still doesn’t want to make love to
I had a very bad experience during the birth and I just don’t think he’s got over it. He still keeps saying he feels sorry for me.
I had to have a lot of stitches and he’s scared of approaching the area.
The first thing you need to know is that this isa very common issue among new dads, but it’s not talked about that much.
I think men are often dismissed in the birthing process because it’s the woman who’s lying
there in pain, having to do all the hard work.
However, we don’t see what’s going on down below and I think that can be traumatising.
Psychologically, I can see how it could change a man’s perception for a while.
He’s also seen you physically damaged from the birth and in pain, which has obviously stayed with him.
First of all, you need to reassure him that he won’t hurt you.
But point out that if you don’t confront the issue it could damage you both emotionally.
Becoming a parent for the first time is a big deal – it changes your life entirely and it’s exhausting, so don’t put extra pressure on yourselves.
Work up to sex slowly.
You don’t have to start by having penetrative sex.
Do other things to please each other and hopefully he’ll relax and full sex will follow at some point.
It’ll just take patience and a little
understanding from both of you, but you’ll get there. It won’t be that he doesn’t find you attractive.
As you say, he’s just scared of approaching the area.