Some men are a disgrace to manhood. They are simply not worth their two cowbells. Such men should be asked to surrender their man card to the nearest chief’s office if they do or practice the following:
1. Sucking a lollipop
It is wrong. A man must not be seen in public sucking a lollipop because of the implied sexual connotation. Unless of course, he swings the other way. Lollipops are mainly used to entice children. Go figure out their origin, bro.
2. Sodas in pubs
Especially Fanta Orange. Or any sweet drink, like some sugary wine. Life is not that sweet. Drinking soda in a bar is a waste of time, space and money for the bar owner. Unless you are the designated driver, get off that soda stool.
3. Glued to wedding shows
Only an enemy of men can sit through a wedding show. A wedding nowadays is basically a pageant where a woman lines her single friends to make them feel jealous that she finally got hitched and managed to throw a dream wedding worth a TV show.
Watching a wedding show might start giving you bad ideas. A real man watches real action like rugby or Netherlands ‘Spainfully’ walloping hapless world champions 5-1 in the ongoing Brazil Fifa World Cup.
4. Pizza strutting
The only food a man is supposed to have an opinion on is ‘nyama choma.’ Or ‘ODM’ (ugali). Now these men we see walking around holding pizzas boxes on Tuesdays as their girlfriends in big weaves and high-heels sashay down Moi Avenue should have their beef roasted in public with hardened rhino whips dipped in pepper grown by angry farmers in Kinangop.
4. Queuing for hotdogs
So disgraceful. There is always that one man lost in a Tusky’s Supermarket long queue for their takeaway snacks. Depressingly, they never see anything wrong with it, 50 years after independence.
5. Using silly smileys
Smileys are mostly lazy and fake visual aids women used to keep the SMS and chats short. They don’t make you cool or urbane. Just cheesy.
6. Sulking to a fellow man
Psychologically, sulking is a sign of absence of a father figure in a man’s life. Men must never sulk. Men discuss issues without keeping grudges.
7. Causing inebriated dramas
Any man who runs his mouth after having his fill of alcohol should just be slapped! Men should also not show excitement at the prospect of an alcoholic evening. A man who does not know how to handle his drink after 25, should be socially confined to his village until the next elections.
8. Hitting a woman
It takes a certain form of extreme weakness to hit a woman or even engage her in a verbal altercation. Real men know how to handle their temper.
9. Being stingy with pals
Only sissies don’t understand the humane responsibility of helping those who are not fortunate enough. Real men always try to reach out to their peers who are down on their luck and try to boost them, one way or another.
10. Discussing fashion
Save for those who make a living out of fashion and male models, the rest of us should really concern ourselves with what works for us in covering our nudity. But to sit down to discuss fashion is really pulling the male institution to the ground.
Credit: The Nairobian